Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
