We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
