ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
