Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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