i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
