Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
