Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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