I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize