she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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