She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
