The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think my fart just growled at me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
