Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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