The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
