Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
