my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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