take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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