I just threw up on my dentist
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
