this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
