Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
