she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
