If that was your dad, he is hot
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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