I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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