I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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