i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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