some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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