I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
