she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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