OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
this is an emotional support booty call
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
