great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
