My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We are two peas in an std pod
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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