My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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