yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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