And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize