i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
