I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
