used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
