After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
