I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
