Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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