Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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