I can tuck mytits in my pants
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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