Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
