Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
