Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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