Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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