I should be sponsored by Trojan
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
