sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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