this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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