And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
