My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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