I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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