everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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