You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
