So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
