i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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